I was painting along the shore of Seneca Lake in New York’s Finger Lakes last week when I found myself absolutely mesmerized by the light and shadow, the way the lake sparkled, and the blossoming leaves of chartreuse playing out like a time lapse on the trees surrounding me.
The world was shining.
I felt myself taking it in like a sponge, while also feeling overcome with a desire that’s been building in me for a bit now:
The desire to let my own shine out.
I’m celebrating my birthday this month. Another turn around the sun, and another opportunity to be even more of who I am.
I’ve owned a fair amount of titles throughout my life: Daughter, sister, wife, graphic designer, mother, friend…
And I’ve spent years wondering how I can be everything to everyone and do all the things I want to do.
I am wildly blessed; I hold all of these titles and roles as deeply important.
And. The simple answer to my question of how I can be everything to everyone is this:
I can’t.
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic (and so much more), shares this question that has deeply inspired her over the years:
“What are you willing to give up to have the thing you keep pretending to want?”
I’ve known from the time I was a little girl, drawing pictures of flowers in my backyard, that I wanted to be an artist.
And while the titles and roles of daughter, sister, mother, wife, graphic designer, and friend are deeply important to me, the one that’s required the most courage for me to step into has been that of painter.
I’ve grappled with it for years, as I parented; as I led a 40-year graphic design career; as I told myself there would always be time later.
So what’s changing now?
I’m not pretending.
I’m not making my art secondary.
I’m putting myself first.
In this busy world, I can’t do it all anymore. I don’t think I really ever could, but I stayed on the hamster wheel as I attempted to keep up. And in doing so, I become a stressed person.
I don’t like that person; nobody else does, either.
As I enter a new year of life, it’s never felt more like the right time to step into my painting with gusto; to be the artist I’m meant to be; to let the world know who I am.
It means embracing vulnerability, standing in my power, and saying yes:
Saying yes to taking up space in my long-admired Plein Air Magazine.
Responding on a whim and getting spotlighted on Outdoor Painter.
Booking a ticket to Denver to attend Plein Air Convention and Expo (PACE) to not only see my mentor, Lori Putnam, speak, but to meet + paint with dozens of other artists I’ve only read about.
I am grateful for everything I’ve done, experienced, and learned in my years on this earth so far — it has all led me to where I am today.
And. I’m ready for the world to see me. I’m ready to allow good things to happen. I’m ready to remain a sponge, soaking up light and inspiration from the natural world; my magnificent grandchildren; the mentors and teachers in my life.
I’m ready to feel the fear and do it anyway. I’m ready to be the love I’ve felt for so long.
As I stare at the sparkling lake in front of me, I know I’m ready to let my own light shine out.
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P.S. Art is an act of generosity, and there’s no better time to make the world a better place than now.